The Impact of Ancestral Grief and Suffering - Part 2 continued

Both of my grandmothers suffered from grief and depression. My mom’s mother also lost herself - her heartbreak triggered by a broken relationship. When her husband left her and their baby girl (my mom), she never recovered. Eventually her depression led to an addiction to medication and, ultimately her death. I vaguely remember meeting my “grandfather.” All I recall is that he was stoic and distant - uninterested in his first family.

As I started to conquer my fear of feeling alone, performing, navigating life with parents living in two different countries, I was suddenly taken from everything I knew. My parents who were now both living in the U.S., arranged for their three daughters to reunite with them. They worked tirelessly to give us the “American dream”. But just shy of twelve years old, I felt completely robbed. My paradise home, my animals, my family, my friends, my music, my freedom, my organic life, my culture and identity - all gone in an instant.

Next came the emotional weight of a forced transition, a language barrier, and social isolation. The junior high I was placed into felt brutal. Because of my testing scores, I was skipped ahead to 6th grade - which meant I was younger than everyone. I didn’t speak English. I felt lost and alone. I was bullied, mocked, and unable to defend myself. Those first two years were pure survival as I grieved the life I had lost and endured the torment at school. Until finally - I stood up for myself… by punching the popular girl who bullied me just to look cool.

My parents were overjoyed to reunite with their kids after years apart, but I felt sad and afraid. I feared their relationship, felt overwhelmed and stressed beyond belief. I was grateful to begin a new chapter, but I missed the world I left behind. I knew my grandma was not there to referee my parents, I knew my sisters tasted too much freedom for too long to go back to the way things were - and I knew they would leave soon. And they did.

You’re not alone.

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